The Humor Train

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'Whats the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'

' Twelve thirty.'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Your first Halloween joke




Halloween is coming!



A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:


Bump...



BUMP...



BUMP...



Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the
image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the
street toward him.




BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...




Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him.




FASTER...




FASTER...




BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...




He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes
in, slams and locks the door behind him.




However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the
casket clapping




clappity-BUMP...




clappity-BUMP...




clappity-BUMP...




On his heels, the terrified man runs.




Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart
is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing
gasps.




With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door!




Bumping and clapping toward him.




The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can
find is a bottle of cough syrup!







keep scrolling down....




Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...



Keep on scrolling down.....




and,




You're almost there... keep on scrolling....



(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)








The coffin stops.

You may have heard that Hostess Bakery plants are shutting down due to striking workers.

But you may not have heard how It was split up.

The State Department hired all the Twinkies.

The Secret Service hired all the HoHos.

The Generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.

7 Degrees Of Blonde

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.  The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.

The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast  is clear.'



SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.  One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'



THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.   She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'



FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy ... it's W.'



FIFTH DEGREE

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: 'Is it mine?'



SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'



SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

5 Surgeons !!

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second surgeon, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians!  Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.  There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine..  Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.'

AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN LEADING A TIRED OLD MULE. THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER PARCHED THROAT.

SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, SAYING, "HEY Old WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"

THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."

A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.

THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF -STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.

WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.

THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.

THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.

THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.

THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A MULE'S BUTT?

THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MAAM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO."

THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:

1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...

I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

I saw a woman drop her purse this morning so I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus.

So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"

She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too.

As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, "You dropped your purse on the floor outside McDonald's."

"Thank you so much" she said, "Where is it?"

I said, "I've just told you, on the floor outside McDonald's."

Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. He expected to inherit the family fortune soon once his ailing father died.

In preparation Tom wanted proceed to do two things:

• to learn how to properly invest his inheritance and
• to find a great wife to share his fortune with

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty immediately took his breath away.

“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will be dead and I will inherit 20 million dollars.”

Impressed, the young woman asked to see his business card... and two weeks later, she became his stepmother.

Wisdom Of A Senior


Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age,
I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run,
and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .
I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you?

Puns for Educated Minds.....

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Yearly Dementia Test--  only 4  questions


It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!

Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not.

The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.


1. What do you put in a toaster?

















Answer : 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else … Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question 2.


2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
















Answer : Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is overstressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World.

However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.


3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?












Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.  If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.


4. Without using a calculator –

You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales .
In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea, 3people get off and 5people get on.
In Carmathen,6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven ..
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?









Answer : Oh, for crying out loud!   Don't you remember your own age?   It was YOU driving the bus!! (Go back and look!).

If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

OK . . . or just go have another glass of wine . . . nothing will matter in a few hours . . . and you will definitely NOT be driving the bus!!

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus- stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.

A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!”

The owner responds, “Genius, my ass… It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys.

The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks," What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They're preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obama Care".

Ya'll will learn a few thing from them southerners.

Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this! and pulled over to await the troopers arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding - a reason I've never before heard - I'll let you go.

The old gentleman paused then said, Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

Have a good day, Sir, replied the trooper.

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."

When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep", he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin it here, cause it says: Fine For Dumping Garbage."

Y'all kin say whut y'all want about the South, but y'all never heard nobody retiring and movin North.

Another Famous American Converts to Islam



It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame, has converted to the Muslim faith and changed his name to 'Kareem of Wheat.'



Let’s just hope he doesn't become a cereal killer....

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the “Chicken Surprise”... The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly, and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

“Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

“Please sir,” says the waiter, “what you order?”

The husband replies, “Chicken Surprise”.


(You’re going to love this, and you’re going to hate yourself for loving it!...)


“Ah! So sorry,”says the waiter,“I bring you Peeking Duck .”

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?

And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!

~ ~ ~

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

'How old was your husband?'

'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, isn’t it?'

~ ~ ~

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied,
'No peer pressure.'

~ ~ ~

I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

take 40 different medications that make me
dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

~ ~ ~

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to join a
fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour..

But, by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

~ ~ ~

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?'

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

~ ~ ~

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be

~ ~ ~

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

~ ~ ~

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

~ ~ ~

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,

'For fast relief.'

~ ~ ~

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

~ ~ ~

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

~ ~ ~

Always REMEMBER this:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing...

~ ~ ~

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything,
but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

A tough old Texas cowboy counseled his granddaughter one day that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 47 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Enjoy the rest of your day!