1-20-2022
Florida Man wants to force all sports teams to play the national anthem, because 'Merica!.
Florida state Sen. Joe Gruters, who’s trying to make
it illegal for you not to hear
“The Star-Spangled Banner”
before sporting events … unless you’re passed out drunk in a parking lot port-a-potty, of course—in which case there’s obviously no further need to
prove you’re a real American.
Evan Donovan, a political reporter for WFLA-TV in Tampa, Florida, brought this nonsense to Twitter’s attention on Tuesday. He also noted the bemused reaction of one of Gruters’ Democratic colleagues:
TODAY: Florida Senate committee will hear a bill from Fla. Sen. @JoeGruters (R-Sarasota) that would force professional sports teams in Florida to play the national anthem before games
If they fail to do so, they could face financial penalties or be cut out of future business.
And here’s the partial text of the bill:
(2) PROVISIONS REQUIRED IN CERTAIN AGREEMENTS.—Beginning July 1, 2022,
a governmental entity may not enter into an agreement with a professional sports team that requires a financial commitment by the state or a governmental entity unless the agreement includes:
(a) A written verification that the professional sports team will play the United States national anthem at the beginning of each sporting event held at the team’s home venue or other facility controlled by the team for the event.
After Gruters read the bill’s provisions, Sen. Vic Torres, a Democrat, laughed out loud and asked, “Who doesn’t play the national anthem now?”—
to which Gruters immediately responded, “I don’t know that there are any known instances in Florida. This is just to make sure as a proactive approach
that people continue to play it.”
The bill was reported “favorably” in committee and will now advance to the next step in the legislative process, because God loves to mock me daily with absurdities like this.
That there is the face of democracy these days, folks. It’s Fabio’s face. Slathered in the blood of a lone, luckless goose.
But even though our republic may be wheezing like an unvaxxed Floridian right now, at least the people who are least likely to know the words to patriotic songs are working diligently to compel us all to sing them.
Because that’s the American way, you commie cucks. Get used to it.
It made author Stephen King shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” and prompted comedian Sarah Silverman to say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT.” What is it?
The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive,
you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
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